Happy New Year

Fireworks are the best thing in the world according to Riley. We always laughed about fireworks when I was growing up because P.B. Walker is my dad's best friend and he hated them. Coach Walker always threatened to just go out in the yard and burn a twenty dollar bill because he said it was the same thing that they were a huge waste of money. One year he really did walk out there with us, waving the bill and we all watched him burn a twenty. I remember all the grown-ups just cracking up about it. Well I guess I am a real grown-up now because I am turning into Coach Walker in my old age. Guess how much the bag pictured above cost? This bargain package was a steal at $39.99!!! Anyway- Riley had a ball shooting them. This was the first year that he wasn't scared of them. Now it's 8:00 and we are settled in for the night. A low-key evening to wind up the year.

Anyone that knows me knows my all-time favorite band is Counting Crows. One of their songs begins with the lyric, "A long December and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last." That's how I am feeling tonight. 2009 has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. On one hand I have John Riley who brightens up a room just by being in it. However 2009 also taught me about Medicare, Medicaid, and all kinds of things regarding elder-care law. This year we toured every nursing home in the area. It was a year of tough decisions, enormous guilt and sadness, and constant second guessing which decisions were right and which weren't. This year brought me a new job that required leaving so many friends at my old one. This was the first year that I really learned what real sadness feels like and that once it visits you- it doesn't ever leave. We changed churches because I would sit in ours looking at the pew where daddy sat every Sunday of my life and I would think all these morbid thoughts like, "The next time he's in this church will be his funeral". I already have had so many questions that I want to ask him and it is such an overwhelming feeling to know that we will never have a "real" conversation again. But he's here and I am thankful for that. I sat with him this afternoon and he kept trying to talk to me and tell me something but he couldn't get the words out. I am able to hug him and tell him repeatedly how much I love him and so many people don't get that chance so I try not to let myself wallow in the bad stuff. I have changed this year. I have more of an edge than I used to. My New Year's Resolutions are different than my normal lose weight and work out. I still need to do those things, don't get me wrong but I think I am looking at things from a different perspective than I did when I was a little but younger. I don't know if that's good or bad. I know I am going to live more "in the moment" this year. One of the quotes I wrote in Riley's baby book that has stuck with me is , " I hope my son will look back on today and see a mom who had time to play. There will be years for cleaning and cooking.. but children grow up while we're not even looking. Dusting and scrubbing can wait 'till tomorrow. For babies grow fast, we learn to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep. " So if you drop by my house this year I warn you- it is going to be messy!!! I was going to wait until Riley was a little older to take him to Disneyworld but keeping with my "in the moment" theme- our trip to Disney is already booked. We head out in a few weeks. Why wait? After all- the Beatles said it best- "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."
Happy New Year!